Ongoing Conversion

My understanding of Christianity is that we are to strive for moral perfection while simultaneously understanding that we will never achieve it. The practical outgrowth of this truth is that we are to continually and constantly undergo conversion. Always striving for and achieving a better moral outlook, a more refined practice of the key principles of living a good life. Jesus neatly summed this up for us with the Two Greatest Commandments: Love the Lord you God with all your heart, and your neighbor as yourself.

So, I guess what I'm getting after today is this: shouldn't a moral code that can be neatly summed up in two commandments and one sentence be a little easier to follow?

Ok, maybe it's just me. I see others around me doing a pretty good job. And I guess I do ok, up to a point. I'm good at the striving part.

I alluded to this the other day, but I think half my problem is that I worry about it so much. Fretting about how good or bad I am doesn't do anything to furhter my goal of being a better man. The fact is that I don't even know what the proper standard is to measure myself against. And, as I think I've said before as well, I'm not sure any of this stuff I'm fretting about is even any of my business. I can't think of a more unobjective judge for myself than myself. Well, maybe my Mom, she's always had a very high opinion of me for some reason.

Okay . . .

I can't stress enough to anyone who wonders about the strange practices of Catholicism how utterly sane we are as a religion. I take as case in point the sacrament of penance. If you are a non-Catholic Christian, you probably believe that you can personally, in your own prayer, confess your sins directly to God and be forgiven. While I take no position as to how God feels about this, I guarantee you that on the human level, our way is better. Spiritually, psychologically and medicinally better. Once you understand that the priest has authority to do what he's doing, that he's not just making it up, you can then walk into the confessional, pour your heart out to God's representative on earth, and walk out cleansed.

And, guess what? It's in the Bible! The idea of both Apostolic succession and the delegation of authority to forgive are right smack dab in the heart of the gospels. It's true.

You can look it up.

Insert Clever Title Here

I'm trying to make an attempt at having a regular prayer life as part of my lenten discipline. Praying the Liturgy of the Hours. Hard to figure at first, but very rewarding. I can really use it right now. I'm having a tough time imitating the patience and gentleness of Jesus at work. Taking a break for the office of readings or the daytime prayers is a very good centering exercise.

There's always the chance that this will end up as another failed spiritual experiment, but I hope not. It is comforting to have at least a small portion of the day in which you know you're doing God's will. Even if it is for just a few minutes at a time. Baby steps, you know?

Couldn't Think of a Title This Week

I just want to make one thing clear. I'm not a good Christian. I don't want anybody going around accusing me of being a good Christian. As soon as that happens, it's like being one of those people with a religious bumpersticker. They invariably cut off atheists in traffic and give God a bad name. So let's be clear about this. I am not a good Christian.

Which is not to say that it isn't my goal to be a good Christian. It is. I wonder how much our intentions count with God? Or if our own accounting of our spiritual state has any relevance to our spiritual state. I suspect the answer to the former is "quite a bit" and to the latter is "hardly at all". Just because the road to hell is paved with good intentions doesn't mean good intentions are bad. And just because I sometimes consider myself the most awful of God's children, it doesn't mean I am. In fact, I'm starting to see that what I consider myself to be is barely even relevant to who I am. All the time I spend self analyzing and self loathing may just be (as so many people have told me to no avail) a huge waste of time. Hmm.

I tend toward extremes, as a rule. So the inherent danger in cutting myself some slack, is that slack is what I'll become. But maybe not; I actually have been slack for so long, that I am indeed becoming sick of it. By slack, in this context, I mean mediocre. Not a monster, but not all that good either. My good points cancelled out by my bad. Just a so-so human being. Which, I guess, is ok. I'm not sure.

But it's less than I aspire to. That I do know. I desire perfection but realize I'll never achieve it. Maybe it is fair to say I desire perfection, but aspire to goodness. Either way, I'm beginning to start to sort of possibly maybe in the future finally understand what Jesus meant by losing one's life in order to save it. It means I can't do anything on my own, and can only do anything good in proportion to how much I cooperate with the grace God gives me. Losing my life doesn't mean obliteration, it means fulfillment. Not the end of me, but the creation of the real me. Only the imposter must go. The real guy, the one God had in mind when he made me, can stay.

I don't know if that's sound theology or not. But it kinda helps me to think of it that way.

Thanks for listenin'.