Couldn't Think of a Title This Week
I just want to make one thing clear. I'm not a good Christian. I don't want anybody going around accusing me of being a good Christian. As soon as that happens, it's like being one of those people with a religious bumpersticker. They invariably cut off atheists in traffic and give God a bad name. So let's be clear about this. I am not a good Christian.
Which is not to say that it isn't my goal to be a good Christian. It is. I wonder how much our intentions count with God? Or if our own accounting of our spiritual state has any relevance to our spiritual state. I suspect the answer to the former is "quite a bit" and to the latter is "hardly at all". Just because the road to hell is paved with good intentions doesn't mean good intentions are bad. And just because I sometimes consider myself the most awful of God's children, it doesn't mean I am. In fact, I'm starting to see that what I consider myself to be is barely even relevant to who I am. All the time I spend self analyzing and self loathing may just be (as so many people have told me to no avail) a huge waste of time. Hmm.
I tend toward extremes, as a rule. So the inherent danger in cutting myself some slack, is that slack is what I'll become. But maybe not; I actually have been slack for so long, that I am indeed becoming sick of it. By slack, in this context, I mean mediocre. Not a monster, but not all that good either. My good points cancelled out by my bad. Just a so-so human being. Which, I guess, is ok. I'm not sure.
But it's less than I aspire to. That I do know. I desire perfection but realize I'll never achieve it. Maybe it is fair to say I desire perfection, but aspire to goodness. Either way, I'm beginning to start to sort of possibly maybe in the future finally understand what Jesus meant by losing one's life in order to save it. It means I can't do anything on my own, and can only do anything good in proportion to how much I cooperate with the grace God gives me. Losing my life doesn't mean obliteration, it means fulfillment. Not the end of me, but the creation of the real me. Only the imposter must go. The real guy, the one God had in mind when he made me, can stay.
I don't know if that's sound theology or not. But it kinda helps me to think of it that way.
Thanks for listenin'.
Which is not to say that it isn't my goal to be a good Christian. It is. I wonder how much our intentions count with God? Or if our own accounting of our spiritual state has any relevance to our spiritual state. I suspect the answer to the former is "quite a bit" and to the latter is "hardly at all". Just because the road to hell is paved with good intentions doesn't mean good intentions are bad. And just because I sometimes consider myself the most awful of God's children, it doesn't mean I am. In fact, I'm starting to see that what I consider myself to be is barely even relevant to who I am. All the time I spend self analyzing and self loathing may just be (as so many people have told me to no avail) a huge waste of time. Hmm.
I tend toward extremes, as a rule. So the inherent danger in cutting myself some slack, is that slack is what I'll become. But maybe not; I actually have been slack for so long, that I am indeed becoming sick of it. By slack, in this context, I mean mediocre. Not a monster, but not all that good either. My good points cancelled out by my bad. Just a so-so human being. Which, I guess, is ok. I'm not sure.
But it's less than I aspire to. That I do know. I desire perfection but realize I'll never achieve it. Maybe it is fair to say I desire perfection, but aspire to goodness. Either way, I'm beginning to start to sort of possibly maybe in the future finally understand what Jesus meant by losing one's life in order to save it. It means I can't do anything on my own, and can only do anything good in proportion to how much I cooperate with the grace God gives me. Losing my life doesn't mean obliteration, it means fulfillment. Not the end of me, but the creation of the real me. Only the imposter must go. The real guy, the one God had in mind when he made me, can stay.
I don't know if that's sound theology or not. But it kinda helps me to think of it that way.
Thanks for listenin'.
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